Ok moms...I am going to talk about this touchy topic. It is NOT taboo, abnormal, a sign of mental illness, or in any way wrong. In fact, upon doing my research of my own concerns, I found a LARGE number of parents sharing this same concern, so we are not alone.
What is this I speak of? Pelvic thrusts acted out by toddlers. Some posts used the term "humping", but this behavior is by no means related to what doggies do when they are aroused. In fact, there is no relation whatsoever, and the behavior acted out by toddlers is indeed normal and healthy.
What I have learned through my own research is that toddlers begin doing this anywhere around the age of 12 months and up as a means to calm themselves or entertain themselves. Some reasons they may be doing this could be boredom, frustration or tiredness. The repetitive motion provides the same calming effects as banging their heads against the wall, for those of you moms who have witnessed this concerning behavior. My son has done both, and I will admit I felt a little concerned when I saw him laying on the floor and thrusting his pelvis into it repeatedly for a few moments. But I didn't stop him, nor should you. He was tired, and it all made sense when I looked it up. He has also done it during a temper tantrum to help himself calm down.
Please rest assured that this is in NO WAY a sexual behavior, as these little ones do not have any such ability or mentality. If you feel the need to confirm, I encourage you to do so. But as I sometimes feel the need to have a resource out there to share my experiences with, I offer this to you. I hope this is reassuring and encouraging.
As my little prince grows up, I will encourage him to stop without putting too much emphasis on it. If we make a big deal out of something, our kids are likely to respond in the opposite way just to push our buttons. I hope that he will find other things to satisfy his need for rhythm in time.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Nothing Typical here...
So its a while between posts, I know. Any stay at home moms understand why I don't have time most days to idly sit and type, especially now with the good weather coming in. Even when Isaac is taking a break of his own, that is chore time for me or catch up on balancing my checkbook, sending out important emails or preparing the nightly meal. Moms of the world know what I am talking about.
But as typical as it all sounds, there is nothing "typical" about life as a mom, stay at home or otherwise. Kids are not predictable, and there is no pre-defined "typical" child. Sure, lots of moms say "that's your typical boy/girl!" but it starts and ends there. All kids do things their own way. They develop at their own pace, enjoy different foods and dislike other foods, grow at different paces and hit milestones at different times. Isaac is no different...to the atypical child. He loves sticks and rocks and dirt, cars and trucks and tractors, and finds flowers to be intriguing. Yup...flowers.
We have busy days full of adventures, and we have quiet days complete with cuddling on the couch. I love the cuddling. We hang out in the kitchen trying out new recipes, and Isaac pulls things out of cabinets and drawers while I do dishes and tidy up. He has made himself clear on the nap issue, and I have conceded to his way until he is old enough to understand MY way...there is no point in fighting a losing battle now since it's just frustrating and unsuccessful anyway. He sleeps at night which is good enough for me. He does take naps, just not routinely.
Typical...in this house anything atypical is typical.
But as typical as it all sounds, there is nothing "typical" about life as a mom, stay at home or otherwise. Kids are not predictable, and there is no pre-defined "typical" child. Sure, lots of moms say "that's your typical boy/girl!" but it starts and ends there. All kids do things their own way. They develop at their own pace, enjoy different foods and dislike other foods, grow at different paces and hit milestones at different times. Isaac is no different...to the atypical child. He loves sticks and rocks and dirt, cars and trucks and tractors, and finds flowers to be intriguing. Yup...flowers.
We have busy days full of adventures, and we have quiet days complete with cuddling on the couch. I love the cuddling. We hang out in the kitchen trying out new recipes, and Isaac pulls things out of cabinets and drawers while I do dishes and tidy up. He has made himself clear on the nap issue, and I have conceded to his way until he is old enough to understand MY way...there is no point in fighting a losing battle now since it's just frustrating and unsuccessful anyway. He sleeps at night which is good enough for me. He does take naps, just not routinely.
Typical...in this house anything atypical is typical.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
March of Dimes Walk for Babies
I love my baby boy, and every parent loves their child/children. For those of us who have never experienced it, we could NOT imagine the grief and pain endured by a family that has lost their little baby to premature birth or preventable illness. That is why I am walking in the March of Dimes Walk for Babies this weekend. I am going in memory of two little twin angels that didn't make it due to do premature birth, and to support their parents as well. This can be prevented and in so many cases, happy endings can happen.
Help me support my friends and the memory of their angels by sponsoring me on my walk. Isaac and I will be there this Saturday making the 3.2 mile walk in honor of all little angels and in hopes of creating more happy endings.
Help me support my friends and the memory of their angels by sponsoring me on my walk. Isaac and I will be there this Saturday making the 3.2 mile walk in honor of all little angels and in hopes of creating more happy endings.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Sleep Training, how I hate thee...
This will likely be only one of many rants I will post in the near future about this topic, since I heatedly DESPISE sleep training. Who's idea was this, anyway?...that bastard. So as I may have mentioned in one or two prior posts, my sweet angel is not the best sleeper. This was more prominent after his ear infection in December, just 2 weeks before Christmas. We tried over and over, using the same methods by Dr Sears, and had no progress. We were getting frustrated and upset about it, and what made matters worse were the crowds shouting that he needs to cry it out. This same from family, friends, FaceBook pals, and then the worst: His Pediatrician! Mike and I had only once considered this option and abandoned it quickly when we just couldn't justify the torment of Isaac. Don't tell me it's not torment; you don't know my son. Maybe it works for other babies, and best of luck to those considering it, but it didn't and won't work for my son and I'll be damned if I ever let ANYONE talk me into that again.
The truth is, we as first time parents tend to give too much salt to the suggestions, tips and advice of others who have gone before us. I will admit that I fell victim to it all many times, most recently about sleep. My biggest hatred comes from any doctor who preys upon the naivete of us new parents who desperately want sleep, and instead of offering two or three options, they just give one: The Ferber Method of crying it out. Age old, tested and proven, this is clearly the most often used. Also the most controversial, and I know FIRST HAND why.
Just a snippet: crying it out does NOT teach a child how to put them self to sleep, even though the end result may suggest otherwise. YES! Your child may fall asleep, but it's not because they figured out what you were wanting of them and it's not because they realized how to put them self to sleep. It is because they have exhausted themselves emotionally and physically from crying and cannot stay awake any longer. Think about it: If this really taught them how to put them self to sleep, why does it take days, weeks and months to perfect it? When a child learns a new skill, like sitting up, they just keep doing it on their own from the moment the skill is learned onward. Would you not think they could do the same with a newly learned sleeping skill? No, instead we are advised to keep letting them cry when you put them to bed and each time they awaken in the night. What we are really doing in undermining their trust in us as parents to come when the cry out for us. Sure, they may be crying out for no real reason as far as we are concerned, but to them, our attention and reassurance IS a reason, and for us to ignore that just makes them feel abandoned. They are too young to UNDERSTAND that we are only trying to teach them how to sleep. To them it is just abandonment and they become more distressed about that.
After three nights of this "system", I was distraught over how my son was becoming a whiny, clingy zombie during the day. He would wake up, play for a couple of hours, eat lunch, then cry for the rest of the day. I KNOW! He is tired and a nap is needed...I was getting to that! The first day, since he slept poorly the night before, he showed signs of sleepiness early on. When I tried to put him down for a nap, he became HYSTERICAL. No exaggeration. I had to give up and bring him downstairs. Any time I tried to put him down, his cries escalated. I was becoming alarmed...Dinner time arrived, but he didn't want to eat or drink, he just wanted to be held. SO we fussed through dinner and I picked him up to calm him. He did this until bedtime. By then he was beat, so he cried it out for less than 30 minutes then was out. Most parents who experience this mistake it for progress. It's not, it's just exhaustion. Get it?
The second day was EVEN WORSE. Even with all the attention I was giving him, he was miserable. He didn't want to play with his toys, became especially upset if I set foot in his room, even just to change his diaper, and again, at nap time, he was hysterical. I gave up much more quickly this time, got us both dressed and put him the car so he would at least doze off. We went to my parent's house but that nap wasn't long enough. After he ate something and played for a short while, he was miserable again. And he would NOT take a nap until I put him back in the car to come home. I took the long way and stopped for gas. Once home, he had slept for 45 minutes. He was still inconsolable. I gave him a bath, which he usually loves, but he just sat there until it was over. In his jammies, he was wearing out. Still a zombie, but too weak to cry much, I gave him some warm milk and got him into bed. This time he had a burst of energy and cried like there was no tomorrow. I had to go in and calm him more than I normally do, then he went to sleep.
The moral of this story is to DO YOUR HOMEWORK before you decide on a sleep training method. One size does not fit all, and even if everyone and their uncle tells you to do it, including your doctor, don't take their words as gospel. YOU do the research and YOU decide what is the best way for you and YOUR CHILD. He/she is not like any other child, and your doctor may have examined them top to bottom, but they do not know them as well as you do. Crying it out is NOT the only way, as I learned in a fog of my own tears after all this trauma. I found what I was looking for FINALLY (the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly) and decided ON THE SPOT to cease all Ferberizing and go to my child when he cries from now on. Unfortunately it's not as immediate as that to undo the damage already caused to his fragile emotional state. That will take time, and I will have my work cut out for me to restore his trust in me. But quite honestly, a good night sleep is NOT worth it if it means doing that to my son.
Holla at me if you want to know how the new training went. It will be a few days but I will try to provide updates.
The truth is, we as first time parents tend to give too much salt to the suggestions, tips and advice of others who have gone before us. I will admit that I fell victim to it all many times, most recently about sleep. My biggest hatred comes from any doctor who preys upon the naivete of us new parents who desperately want sleep, and instead of offering two or three options, they just give one: The Ferber Method of crying it out. Age old, tested and proven, this is clearly the most often used. Also the most controversial, and I know FIRST HAND why.
Just a snippet: crying it out does NOT teach a child how to put them self to sleep, even though the end result may suggest otherwise. YES! Your child may fall asleep, but it's not because they figured out what you were wanting of them and it's not because they realized how to put them self to sleep. It is because they have exhausted themselves emotionally and physically from crying and cannot stay awake any longer. Think about it: If this really taught them how to put them self to sleep, why does it take days, weeks and months to perfect it? When a child learns a new skill, like sitting up, they just keep doing it on their own from the moment the skill is learned onward. Would you not think they could do the same with a newly learned sleeping skill? No, instead we are advised to keep letting them cry when you put them to bed and each time they awaken in the night. What we are really doing in undermining their trust in us as parents to come when the cry out for us. Sure, they may be crying out for no real reason as far as we are concerned, but to them, our attention and reassurance IS a reason, and for us to ignore that just makes them feel abandoned. They are too young to UNDERSTAND that we are only trying to teach them how to sleep. To them it is just abandonment and they become more distressed about that.
After three nights of this "system", I was distraught over how my son was becoming a whiny, clingy zombie during the day. He would wake up, play for a couple of hours, eat lunch, then cry for the rest of the day. I KNOW! He is tired and a nap is needed...I was getting to that! The first day, since he slept poorly the night before, he showed signs of sleepiness early on. When I tried to put him down for a nap, he became HYSTERICAL. No exaggeration. I had to give up and bring him downstairs. Any time I tried to put him down, his cries escalated. I was becoming alarmed...Dinner time arrived, but he didn't want to eat or drink, he just wanted to be held. SO we fussed through dinner and I picked him up to calm him. He did this until bedtime. By then he was beat, so he cried it out for less than 30 minutes then was out. Most parents who experience this mistake it for progress. It's not, it's just exhaustion. Get it?
The second day was EVEN WORSE. Even with all the attention I was giving him, he was miserable. He didn't want to play with his toys, became especially upset if I set foot in his room, even just to change his diaper, and again, at nap time, he was hysterical. I gave up much more quickly this time, got us both dressed and put him the car so he would at least doze off. We went to my parent's house but that nap wasn't long enough. After he ate something and played for a short while, he was miserable again. And he would NOT take a nap until I put him back in the car to come home. I took the long way and stopped for gas. Once home, he had slept for 45 minutes. He was still inconsolable. I gave him a bath, which he usually loves, but he just sat there until it was over. In his jammies, he was wearing out. Still a zombie, but too weak to cry much, I gave him some warm milk and got him into bed. This time he had a burst of energy and cried like there was no tomorrow. I had to go in and calm him more than I normally do, then he went to sleep.
The moral of this story is to DO YOUR HOMEWORK before you decide on a sleep training method. One size does not fit all, and even if everyone and their uncle tells you to do it, including your doctor, don't take their words as gospel. YOU do the research and YOU decide what is the best way for you and YOUR CHILD. He/she is not like any other child, and your doctor may have examined them top to bottom, but they do not know them as well as you do. Crying it out is NOT the only way, as I learned in a fog of my own tears after all this trauma. I found what I was looking for FINALLY (the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantly) and decided ON THE SPOT to cease all Ferberizing and go to my child when he cries from now on. Unfortunately it's not as immediate as that to undo the damage already caused to his fragile emotional state. That will take time, and I will have my work cut out for me to restore his trust in me. But quite honestly, a good night sleep is NOT worth it if it means doing that to my son.
Holla at me if you want to know how the new training went. It will be a few days but I will try to provide updates.
Goodbye, holidays and chaos...I will miss you!
It has been a long time, but fear not! We survived the holidays! There was Thanksgiving, which was not without it's unnecessary drama...the brother-in-law told me, the host, that he already had plans, therefore I did not invite him. Then he decides to change said plans, not mention this to me or my husband, and invite himself, his girlfriend and their toddler son to my house WITHOUT telling me. I hear this through our great-grandmother who was invited and coming, and I all but hold it together in front of her. Then I call the husband who is furious and steps in to squash the unpleasantries. Then MIL gets involved, suggesting that if she doesn't come, they could have her place...Oh, that's not even fair. NO! Then comes the day, and MIL drives up with all of them in tow! I almost fainted...but after all that, they were just by to say Happy Turkey Day, then off to her mother's for dinner. Phew, crisis averted. The wee one LOVED his first Thanksgiving, as did we all enjoy it thoroughly. The following weekend, the tree and Christmas decor went up and we took Isaac on the Polar Express. WHAT FUN!
Then there was Christmas. Two weeks before, Isaac got his first ear infection. Oh how HORRIBLE that is. If he never gets another one I will be eternally grateful! He would barely eat, drank incessantly, wouldn't sleep unless someone was holding him, and from the fluids he was taking in, got a monster diaper rash. All the while he was cutting a tooth. Poor baby. Poor US! After recovery, his sleep routine was a mess and we couldn't return him to his normal sleep pattern. He ended up with us more often than before only so we could sleep and not be zombies. I won't lie, we like the cuddling with him, too. But the sleep was getting to be a concern...See the next post for the story on that.
Christmas came and I was cooking up a storm the days prior. That morning, we woke as normal since he's still too young to be eager. Presents were handed to him but he took his time. We got his dressed into his Christmas suit and we both showered and dressed. Then off to my parent's for the dinner I did NOT have to cook (I did bring hommeade turkey soup from out Thanksgiving dinner that I had frozen for the occasion, though). Poor Isaac was clearly too tired and was very grouchy from our arrival until we left. We could see he was tired but he refused to go to sleep. He ate, seemed better but only briefly, then we decided to head out so he would sleep in the car. He did, and when we got home, we had our first guests waiting for us for the Open House we planned. Sweets were everywhere (too many, in fact) and people crowded in to the kitchen and living room. By then, Isaac's mood had improved and he opened the rest of his gifts. He even showed off his dancing skills to one of his musical new toys. With a rough start, the day turned out wonderfully, all because the little guy was happy.
Ah, ring in the New Year! Isaac was cutting molars now, and was purely intolerable. Sleep was out of our lives, and pain medicine was always in reach. Poor guy. The decor came down and was put away that weekend, then I had to make a lasagna for dinner the MIL's house. We had a nice time but were relived to get home and rest. Isaac's birthday was not far and we still had things to get done.
Speaking of his birthday, on January 4th, he turned ONE! We celebrated that day at home, then that Saturday we had a party at the local rec center with all the family. Isaac got his own three tiered cupcake after the pot-luck style dinner was dented with all our sampling. We let him open presents and then on to the cake, which he loved. He enjoyed plucking the top mini cupcake tier off one-handed and shoving it into his mouth. THen he grabbed the medium cupcake from the middle and ate whatever he could get in his mouth, and the same with the large cupcake at the bottom. Everyone thought he was so cute and fun to watch, and no one left disappointed from lack of fun! New toys and leftovers loaded into the car, we headed home where we could finally kick up our feet and leave the chaos behind until next year. AMEN.
Then there was Christmas. Two weeks before, Isaac got his first ear infection. Oh how HORRIBLE that is. If he never gets another one I will be eternally grateful! He would barely eat, drank incessantly, wouldn't sleep unless someone was holding him, and from the fluids he was taking in, got a monster diaper rash. All the while he was cutting a tooth. Poor baby. Poor US! After recovery, his sleep routine was a mess and we couldn't return him to his normal sleep pattern. He ended up with us more often than before only so we could sleep and not be zombies. I won't lie, we like the cuddling with him, too. But the sleep was getting to be a concern...See the next post for the story on that.
Christmas came and I was cooking up a storm the days prior. That morning, we woke as normal since he's still too young to be eager. Presents were handed to him but he took his time. We got his dressed into his Christmas suit and we both showered and dressed. Then off to my parent's for the dinner I did NOT have to cook (I did bring hommeade turkey soup from out Thanksgiving dinner that I had frozen for the occasion, though). Poor Isaac was clearly too tired and was very grouchy from our arrival until we left. We could see he was tired but he refused to go to sleep. He ate, seemed better but only briefly, then we decided to head out so he would sleep in the car. He did, and when we got home, we had our first guests waiting for us for the Open House we planned. Sweets were everywhere (too many, in fact) and people crowded in to the kitchen and living room. By then, Isaac's mood had improved and he opened the rest of his gifts. He even showed off his dancing skills to one of his musical new toys. With a rough start, the day turned out wonderfully, all because the little guy was happy.
Ah, ring in the New Year! Isaac was cutting molars now, and was purely intolerable. Sleep was out of our lives, and pain medicine was always in reach. Poor guy. The decor came down and was put away that weekend, then I had to make a lasagna for dinner the MIL's house. We had a nice time but were relived to get home and rest. Isaac's birthday was not far and we still had things to get done.
Speaking of his birthday, on January 4th, he turned ONE! We celebrated that day at home, then that Saturday we had a party at the local rec center with all the family. Isaac got his own three tiered cupcake after the pot-luck style dinner was dented with all our sampling. We let him open presents and then on to the cake, which he loved. He enjoyed plucking the top mini cupcake tier off one-handed and shoving it into his mouth. THen he grabbed the medium cupcake from the middle and ate whatever he could get in his mouth, and the same with the large cupcake at the bottom. Everyone thought he was so cute and fun to watch, and no one left disappointed from lack of fun! New toys and leftovers loaded into the car, we headed home where we could finally kick up our feet and leave the chaos behind until next year. AMEN.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Bedtime Baby
OK, so here are all the things I have learned so far about bedtime and sleeping for babies.
Ever since Isaac came home from the hospital at three days old, nighttime has been the biggest difficulty for most of the nights of the last 10 months. I have researched this topic MANY times and received countless tips (all unsolicited, thank you very much), all to be left the same way as I began: tired. I now clearly understand that babies are like fingerprints: no two are alike, and this goes for their sleeping habits. The books written on the topic tend to put all children into the same "one size fits all" basket when the opposite is true. NOT all babies sleep through the night at 3 months of age and onward; in fact, most babies DO NOT. Perhaps people in your immediate circle (you being whoever should read this) may tell you otherwise because in their expert experience babies should be sleeping through the night by their third month. Maybe even your Pediatrician offered condolences and told you what to do to make them sleep better, but unless your child does fit into the mold, it is just not in the cards. Mine, as I suspect is the case of countless other parents, does not fit this mold. So let me debunk the sleeping myths that I have most commonly heard so far:
In the earliest stages, babies will wake every 2-3 hours to feed since their tummies are small and cannot hold enough to get them through a night. Also, these youngest ones do not yet know days and nights so their sleep patterns take time to regulate. This is mostly true for most babies, but it also depends on what the baby is being fed and at what hour they eat before being put down in their crib for bed. This may also depend on if the baby is co-sleeping. My little guy was on formula at the onset for reasons I could not escape or change. He slept 3-4 hours at a time and learned his days and nights quickly. He slept well at the beginning and after his feedings went back to sleep easily. I kept his routine exactly the same, as the experts recommend, until he made me change it. By three months old, he was sleeping for 8 hour stretches but only did so for about 3 weeks. Growth spurts will also affect the sleep routines, and illnesses like acid reflux can wreak havoc on any night for a long time!
Adding rice cereal to a baby's bottle at night will fill their tummy up more and they will sleep longer. This is just not true, even if our mother and grandmother says it is so. It is not, and the APA vehemently advises against this unless their are pressing health reasons to do it, and even then advise with caution. At an early age, my little guy stopped sleeping through the night and became very fussy. He had terrible acid reflux, and was put on meds, but even this didn't help him sleep through the night. This is when the Dr advised to add small amounts of rice cereal to his bedtime bottle ONLY and the reason was to help with the reflux. It had nothing to do with filling up his tummy. In fact, she told me, that adding solids like this to a babies diet TOO EARLY can create lifelong digestive issues and should be avoided unless all other efforts fail. I chose not to add the cereal to his bottle until he was just about 4 months old, which is the earliest age recommended by the APA to begin adding solids to their diets, and this depends on each individual baby's growth and development. His sleep improved as the meds helped his reflux and the rice cereal made no difference at all.
Babies should stop waking for nighttime feedings by the time they are 5/6 months old. This myth came straight from his previous pediatrician's mouth. Hence why it is his previous pediatrician. He literally told me to stop giving it to him and just put the baby back to sleep if he wakes. Yeah...any parent who has ever tried weaning their little one off the nighttime feeding knows the difficulty involved, and that you cannot do it cold turkey. The new pediatrician offered some concurrence to the suggestion, but added that not every child can get through a night without a feeding at that age, especially with a record of rapid growth. Mine had rapid growth recorded so far throughout his short life, and was not about to stop eating his one nighttime bottle. The new Dr suggested to try gradually watering the bottle down (and added that this is not a common recommendation, but according to my breakdown, Isaac was getting plenty of formula for his age and size through the day, so he did not need any more at night). Once the bottle was just water, he should stop waking for it. This idea worked within 6 weeks or so, but I would never tell another parent to try it unless they first speak to their Dr. I cannot stress enough that every baby is different and this may not be best for others if the circumstances are different.
Babies should be getting 10-12 hours of sleep per night and1-2 hours worth of naps during the day by 9 months old, and should be sleeping 8 hour stretches through the night. My answer: malarkey. I have done extensive research on this and learned that most parents report their child not sleeping through the night until they were about 2 years old, and any experts that say otherwise is reporting of the exception, not the norm. I agree with most parents, since I am one. The experts that suggest 9 month olds normally sleep 8 hour stretches through the night clearly haven't surveyed many average parents. In fact, there are even expert articles that contradict the experts! Like for example, from 8-12 months of age, most children wake through the night and struggle to get themselves back to sleep as we do when we reach adolescence because they have not yet learned how. We all wake through the night but we go back to sleep so quickly that we rarely recall the episodes when we wake in the morning. For infants age 8-12 months, the reality is that they do wake every 3-4 hours. There are many different causes, such as: teething pain, separation anxiety, night terrors, growth spurts and possible illness. All articles remain consistent, though, on how to handle such wakings: Very limited interaction. Once illness is ruled out, do not pick them up, rock them, rub them or feed them, as they will begin to expect the same assistance every time in order to go back to sleep. Simply shush them, whisper to them if necessary, and patiently watch until they drift back off to sleep. If you feel comfortable, you may even given them a "security blanket" or favorite toy as long as it doe not pose suffocation risk while they sleep. The phase will pass and your consistency will be rewarded long term.
I have also learned that going forward, teething pain, growth spurts, separation anxiety and illness can continue to contribute to sleepless nights for quite some time, as well as nightmares when they reach about 2 years or so. So you can be rest assured (get the pun?) that sleep issues are the norm, and children who do not exhibit issues are the exception...
And my take on "cry it out"? That didn't work for us or Isaac...We did try it but it caused too much heartbreak, and there were no signs that it would work for him. We tried the Sears method, and stand by it 100%. He is a much calmer sleeper now, and he goes down without any fuss at all. He goes to sleep with little help from me, and does it within 20 minutes on average (on a good night, 10 minutes or less!).
On a side note, you might be wondering what "night terrors" are. They are not the same as nightmares, as little ones before the age of 2 years do not have nightmares. Night terrors are just different reactions to anxiety the little one may have. It can cause them to moan, cry or roll about their crib without actually waking up. This is the present case with Isaac. He is not in pain, not wet from his diaper, not hot or cold, and not hungry. He is also clearly asleep when we check on him. If this sounds like your little one, send me a message and I can tell you more of what I learned and experienced. But know that it is only a phase and will pass, and you baby is fine!
Ever since Isaac came home from the hospital at three days old, nighttime has been the biggest difficulty for most of the nights of the last 10 months. I have researched this topic MANY times and received countless tips (all unsolicited, thank you very much), all to be left the same way as I began: tired. I now clearly understand that babies are like fingerprints: no two are alike, and this goes for their sleeping habits. The books written on the topic tend to put all children into the same "one size fits all" basket when the opposite is true. NOT all babies sleep through the night at 3 months of age and onward; in fact, most babies DO NOT. Perhaps people in your immediate circle (you being whoever should read this) may tell you otherwise because in their expert experience babies should be sleeping through the night by their third month. Maybe even your Pediatrician offered condolences and told you what to do to make them sleep better, but unless your child does fit into the mold, it is just not in the cards. Mine, as I suspect is the case of countless other parents, does not fit this mold. So let me debunk the sleeping myths that I have most commonly heard so far:
In the earliest stages, babies will wake every 2-3 hours to feed since their tummies are small and cannot hold enough to get them through a night. Also, these youngest ones do not yet know days and nights so their sleep patterns take time to regulate. This is mostly true for most babies, but it also depends on what the baby is being fed and at what hour they eat before being put down in their crib for bed. This may also depend on if the baby is co-sleeping. My little guy was on formula at the onset for reasons I could not escape or change. He slept 3-4 hours at a time and learned his days and nights quickly. He slept well at the beginning and after his feedings went back to sleep easily. I kept his routine exactly the same, as the experts recommend, until he made me change it. By three months old, he was sleeping for 8 hour stretches but only did so for about 3 weeks. Growth spurts will also affect the sleep routines, and illnesses like acid reflux can wreak havoc on any night for a long time!
Adding rice cereal to a baby's bottle at night will fill their tummy up more and they will sleep longer. This is just not true, even if our mother and grandmother says it is so. It is not, and the APA vehemently advises against this unless their are pressing health reasons to do it, and even then advise with caution. At an early age, my little guy stopped sleeping through the night and became very fussy. He had terrible acid reflux, and was put on meds, but even this didn't help him sleep through the night. This is when the Dr advised to add small amounts of rice cereal to his bedtime bottle ONLY and the reason was to help with the reflux. It had nothing to do with filling up his tummy. In fact, she told me, that adding solids like this to a babies diet TOO EARLY can create lifelong digestive issues and should be avoided unless all other efforts fail. I chose not to add the cereal to his bottle until he was just about 4 months old, which is the earliest age recommended by the APA to begin adding solids to their diets, and this depends on each individual baby's growth and development. His sleep improved as the meds helped his reflux and the rice cereal made no difference at all.
Babies should stop waking for nighttime feedings by the time they are 5/6 months old. This myth came straight from his previous pediatrician's mouth. Hence why it is his previous pediatrician. He literally told me to stop giving it to him and just put the baby back to sleep if he wakes. Yeah...any parent who has ever tried weaning their little one off the nighttime feeding knows the difficulty involved, and that you cannot do it cold turkey. The new pediatrician offered some concurrence to the suggestion, but added that not every child can get through a night without a feeding at that age, especially with a record of rapid growth. Mine had rapid growth recorded so far throughout his short life, and was not about to stop eating his one nighttime bottle. The new Dr suggested to try gradually watering the bottle down (and added that this is not a common recommendation, but according to my breakdown, Isaac was getting plenty of formula for his age and size through the day, so he did not need any more at night). Once the bottle was just water, he should stop waking for it. This idea worked within 6 weeks or so, but I would never tell another parent to try it unless they first speak to their Dr. I cannot stress enough that every baby is different and this may not be best for others if the circumstances are different.
Babies should be getting 10-12 hours of sleep per night and1-2 hours worth of naps during the day by 9 months old, and should be sleeping 8 hour stretches through the night. My answer: malarkey. I have done extensive research on this and learned that most parents report their child not sleeping through the night until they were about 2 years old, and any experts that say otherwise is reporting of the exception, not the norm. I agree with most parents, since I am one. The experts that suggest 9 month olds normally sleep 8 hour stretches through the night clearly haven't surveyed many average parents. In fact, there are even expert articles that contradict the experts! Like for example, from 8-12 months of age, most children wake through the night and struggle to get themselves back to sleep as we do when we reach adolescence because they have not yet learned how. We all wake through the night but we go back to sleep so quickly that we rarely recall the episodes when we wake in the morning. For infants age 8-12 months, the reality is that they do wake every 3-4 hours. There are many different causes, such as: teething pain, separation anxiety, night terrors, growth spurts and possible illness. All articles remain consistent, though, on how to handle such wakings: Very limited interaction. Once illness is ruled out, do not pick them up, rock them, rub them or feed them, as they will begin to expect the same assistance every time in order to go back to sleep. Simply shush them, whisper to them if necessary, and patiently watch until they drift back off to sleep. If you feel comfortable, you may even given them a "security blanket" or favorite toy as long as it doe not pose suffocation risk while they sleep. The phase will pass and your consistency will be rewarded long term.
I have also learned that going forward, teething pain, growth spurts, separation anxiety and illness can continue to contribute to sleepless nights for quite some time, as well as nightmares when they reach about 2 years or so. So you can be rest assured (get the pun?) that sleep issues are the norm, and children who do not exhibit issues are the exception...
And my take on "cry it out"? That didn't work for us or Isaac...We did try it but it caused too much heartbreak, and there were no signs that it would work for him. We tried the Sears method, and stand by it 100%. He is a much calmer sleeper now, and he goes down without any fuss at all. He goes to sleep with little help from me, and does it within 20 minutes on average (on a good night, 10 minutes or less!).
On a side note, you might be wondering what "night terrors" are. They are not the same as nightmares, as little ones before the age of 2 years do not have nightmares. Night terrors are just different reactions to anxiety the little one may have. It can cause them to moan, cry or roll about their crib without actually waking up. This is the present case with Isaac. He is not in pain, not wet from his diaper, not hot or cold, and not hungry. He is also clearly asleep when we check on him. If this sounds like your little one, send me a message and I can tell you more of what I learned and experienced. But know that it is only a phase and will pass, and you baby is fine!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Food! Glorious Food!
SO many things I can report on about food, but this is my MOMMY blog so here is what FOOD has to do with the little prince.
Day one: Food was either breast milk or formula exclusively. Nothing more, nothing less. Unfortunately for me nursing was not an option since my body didn't produce milk by the time he was born, and he had to eat so I had to move on to option 2. Once my body produced, he wasn't interested since he was happy with what he was getting, and who am I to make him scream and cry just for the sake of my nursing him when he refuses? Nope, he needs to eat more than I need to be happy about this, so formula it remained.
Month 4: The introduction of OTHER food. Using a very useful website, I learned how to MAKE his food (this made me feel better about not being able to nurse, too). Only introducing foods that were safe for a 4 month old, I was on my way. Note: Most pediatricians and the APA recommend waiting until 6 months of age to introduce foods to baby, however there are circumstances when early introduction can be OK when done carefully. Isaac was a BIG boy and was never satisfied on his bottle alone, and the acid reflux was a big problem. Heavier foods at that age were one of the circumstances that made it OK. His Pediatrician agreed. Apples, peaches, pears, plums and baby oatmeal. Also, avocado and banana...He loved it ALL with no fuss.
Month 6: Adding more variety to his diet, we threw in a couple of veggies, like squash, sweet potato and zucchini. He never turned his head from food, so this was seemingly going to be EASY.
Month 8: More variety. Adding meats and ALL remaining veggies, as well as egg yolks and dairy (cheese, yogurt and cottage cheese ONLY, since milk should not be introduced until 12 months or older and breast milk and/or formula should be incorporated until then). The meats were rough! He hated the texture so I had to fidget with it until he liked it. He loved his veggies, all except for white potatoes. Weird, huh? Don't most kids like mashed taters? Not mine. Not an issue for me, though, because sweet potatoes are much healthier and I am not a big white tater fan myself.
In addition, the food is chunky and he can feed himself (see the photo? Yup, he's a pro). This makes dinner time a little easier too, because now we can all eat together and I am not stuck holding his bottle while my food gets cold. He eats, we all eat, we're all happy. Plus he is better with his meat when it's chunky, not pureed. This has proven, also, to be a big help for his acid reflux now that his food is heavier. Although, he does get more GAS :)
Today, 9+ months old. The only things I WON'T give him, per the Pediatrician, are egg whites, shellfish, chocolate and honey. Otherwise, if he can chew it, he can eat it. And he's a pretty good chewer too! Pretty soon he'll be a year old, and the formula will stop, to be replaced by whole milk. At some point, juice ill be added, but the Dr suggests to wait and even when I do introduce it, water it down and give sparingly because the sugars can be a cause of weight gain and developmental issues, like ADHD and hyperactivity in general. Fresh fruits are better and water is the best for drinking. I never knew how complicated this all would be, but I caught right on. Next spring/summer, I hope to have a full vegetable garden along with the start of some fruit trees and grape vines so that we can produce our own produce (cute little play on words, there, did you catch that?) and save money at the market. I've never had much of a green thumb, but hopefully I will be a fast learner and get some help from other experienced growers.
Coming up: Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am (bravely) doing Thanksgiving at my home for about 10 people, give or take 1 or 2. Mom is going to be helping (now that she lives 20 minutes from here, she can actually have Thanksgiving with family, something we haven't had in 5 years!). Turkey, all the fixings, and family. I started weight watchers three weeks ago and the loss is slow going, but it's happening. I need to get back to my old self, so I can't let the excitement of Isaac's first Thanksgiving take over my sense of will-power. He will be able to eat everything, but obviously in moderation. That's a LOT of food, if I'm not careful! Then comes Christmas, which I am not sure about yet, but I will keep you all posted. (You all, hmm...That's like, how many, 1?)
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